Well the past three months were ‘interesting’

Yes, I have been unwell, very unwell.

I’m getting there.

I do like to pretend I’m super strong, but I’m doing this by myself with no backup, and what he did knocked me for six.

I have a lot of posts to delete but I’m not in a position to go back and reread them to delete them at present.

In short, I’m scared of things getting worse again.

They detail how I felt at the time and how I felt was not good at all. While I still am not doing great, I don’t want to revisit me at my worst.

Not strong enough to handle that, bit strong enough to keep fighting as it has to be done.

I’m coming to the point where I have to write the posts I don’t want to.

I have to delve into what Kiran Box did in detail. I have to relive her throwing evidence that proved we were telling the truth away with a smug evil grin on her face.

What Gabriel Lowrie did as well, I have to relive what he did to me as well in detail.

It’s all hard and uncomfortable to write about it when I don’t even want to think about these things anymore.

I don’t want to ever think about what Heidi Hibbett and Gavin Jones collectively did to me, I want it to be wiped from my brain. I have to think about those things every single time I open up this blog.

Glad I sorted out the counselling for my children, though still need to confirm, as that leaves me able to use the media as a tool at a time where our story has the biggest impact.

I also know that the SWE concern I raised against Gabriel Lowrie will not get through triage.

I believe his dishonesty will be treated in the same way that lies by a defendant in court is treated, while its perjury in court, defendants don’t get done for that because they are entitled to defend themselves. Even if they are lying.

I honestly do wish I could stop blogging, that would be what is best for me.

What Gavin Jones did to me was horrific and made me so ill. I’ve got more of those kind of things to come in the future as I carry on with this.

I’d love to stop, right now. I’d love for this to be my last ever post. I’d love to walk away.

But I can’t, I can’t do anything to stop the same happening to others but I can expose the utter rubbish that is Essex Children’s Services and at the very least, give other parents a heads up and help them feel not alone.

The only person I am harming by doing this blog is myself, every single person I have ever mentioned is well protected by Essex County Council.

What kind of local authority allows social workers to lie so blatantly and cover for them? We know social workers lie, they do it so often it’s not even worth going on about.

But for Essex to allow Gabriel Lowrie to lie during his disciplinary procedure, or they came up with the story themselves, is just something else. It’s one of the reasons we end up on the receiving end of lying social workers, and answers the question “How do they get away with it?”. It’s because the local authorities not only allow it, but they actively encourage it.

Something like that makes the whole team look bad, so they just cover things up.

This isn’t a win or lose battle against Essex County Council, if it was, i’ve already lost, as has every single vulnerable family in Essex because nobody is listening to us when things go wrong.

Nobody wants to put things right, nobody wants to say sorry.

They are just all happy as things are.

Of course they are, they are all looking after themselves, they aren’t doing their jobs to benefit the public, they are doing them to raise their own profile, and of course for the money.

It used to frustrate me, that all you’d hear is how committed they are to helping children and families when you know that is utter rubbish. Now it doesn’t bother me because I know they are full of crap.

They literally drove my child to attempt suicide and then hushed the whole thing up, refusing to investigate it.

How can you do that to a child?

How can they be so vocal saying that children are at the heart of everything they do and then be responsible for a child trying to take their own life and then literally cover it up?

It’s not about the children that is for sure, it is solely about them.

It’s just all a load of complete and utter rubbish from all of them.

Gavin Jones mumbling on about helping people by working for the public sector, all he wants to do is have as much power as possible, look as good as possible to those he needs to, and to keep cutting services and saving money to keep politicians happy. All the time not giving a crap about the actual residents of Essex. We are all just statistics and numbers on a screen to him, we are not real, we do not have feelings, we are expendable.

My child is certainly expendable to him, refused to intervene and force an investigation into my childs suicide attempt, well he didn’t refuse as such, just ignored me, he’s the man in charge, so it is on him anyway. It’s ultimately him who when my child told multiple professionals that it was the emotional abuse by children’s services, mostly Heidi Hibbett, that caused them to try to take their own life, refused to investigate what my child had said happened.

That is absolutely chilling, the man has no soul.

Then people like Pam Parkes, all over social media, going on about women this, women that, but she doesn’t lift up other women, she just wants praise because she climbed the corporate ladder. She’s done nothing else of any note, she just climbed the corporate ladder.

I asked her for help, she said she would look into it and then never replied. I was after my child’s suicide attempt being investigated and getting her help to disprove the excuse they were giving as to why they couldn’t.

Did Pam Parkes stand up and do the right thing?

No, she did not.

She did the easy thing, which after saying she would look into it, ghosted me. Anything else would have meant actually standing up for something instead of just trotting out the same old utter rubbish about supporting women and every other piece of crap that comes out of that woman’s mouth.

If you are a woman, or a child, and you want someone to stand up for you, if you want someone to not just tow the line but actually think to themselves “Maybe I can use my position as a woman in power to help” don’t bother with Pam Parkes, the only woman she cares about is herself.

Everything she puts on social media always comes back to her, how brilliant she is, how all the women she’s met in business have helped her. All the stupid awards that have been won.

She is completely self serving. She is in a position of power where she could have helped get my childs suicide attempt investigated by saying that what was being said regarding the excuses given was rubbish, which it’s now been proven it was.

She could have done that for a child, she didn’t, it would have rocked the boat, she didn’t do what was right, she did what was easy and self serving.

The same with Gabriel Lowrie’s disciplinary. When I found out what he’d said as his excuse for what was in his facebook, it was crystal clear he was lying. It was clear to anyone, there is no way that ECC didn’t know. They would have known after I told them, I told them repeatedly, and just got the same back all of the time.

Pam Parkes would rather let a dishonest Social Worker go unchallenged than risk making ECC look bad.

I am angry about her behaviour because she spends a lot of time perfecting her public persona as someone who cares, someone who lifts other women up, someone who is kind and has strength.

In reality she is just a weak corporate drone who runs at the thought of challenging the status quo and who will only help others if she thinks it will benefit herself.

I would never ever hold her up to be a role model for any woman, she is a terrible role model.

I’ve just added the above regarding Pam Parkes to the post I made about her a couple of days ago.

Just reading the emails where I said over and over again that he was lying, and just getting the same drone response that they were standing by what he’d said as the truth, has annoyed me no end, hence why i’m blogging about my irritation.

I cannot change a thing, but I can be vocal with the facts of what happened and my opinion of those responsible.

I wish I’d never thought of blogging.

I wish I’d never started as it’s caused me nothing but pain and anguish.

If I carry on it will just get worse, and I’m not sure I can deal with it. What Gavin Jones did was horrible and I’m still not coping with it.

No other option though.

They harmed my kids.