They almost killed my child due to their relentless transphobia.
My son was 16 when I asked for help and got a child protection plan instead. He had legally changed his name via deed poll 8 months previous to social care involvement.
Gabriel Lowrie and Billie Faulkner were first on the scene, I still thought they were going to help, not harm at this point. They spoke to my child in his bedroom, where his deed poll certificate was on the wall about a foot away from their faces. My child told them he’d changed his name by deed poll, we told them he’d changed his name by deed poll. They used his dead name and the wrong pronouns throughout, including listing him on the computer system under his dead name, which was not his legal name, and referring to him as ‘she’ and ‘her’.
They used his dead name when talking to him never once using his legal name. He asked me to talk to them as he was always left crying when they spoke to him, I spoke to both Gabriel Lowrie and Billie Faulkner and they both refused to use his legal name and correct pronouns.
Then there was the Initial Child Protection Conference. This was chaired by Kiran Box, also known as Kirnvir Kaur Box. I have referred to Kiran Box as evil before on this blog, I stand by that, it’s my opinion based on my interactions with her, She is pure evil, she has now been promoted to Service Manager of Assessment and Intervention at West Essex (Harlow). That frightens me, it’s terrifying that she is in charge of so many vulnerable people.
It may seem harsh what i’ve said about Kiran Box, and some reading this will disagree with using that term on a blog, especially when I want to be taken seriously. It’s the only word that fits her and it isn’t one I use lightly.
At the initial child protection conference my son’s old medical notes were in his dead name, his most recent mental health notes were in his real name, college was in his real name, and he was known exclusively in the home by his real name, though also known by a nickname he’s had since birth which isn’t gender specific, I still use his nickname.
Having called him by his dead name for 16 years i’d still screw up at times, by this point I was at the stage where if I dead named him I realised instantly, apologised and used his real name. His favourite teacher at his secondary school consistently deadnames him whenever I see her and she asks after him, she is forever correcting herself, but she only ever knew him as his deadname and she absolutely adored him so she’s speaking from memory, We are not militant about it, people are going to screw up and deadname, they apologise and use his real name and it’s not a problem.
Kiran Box took the decision at the ICPC that while talking about my son in the conference he should be referred to as she and his deadname should be used constantly. Myself and his Father obviously used his real, legal name and she told us to stop doing this. She forced us in the conference to refer to our son as our daughter, and to not use his legal name but to use his deadname, every time we forgot and used his real name or used his/him she told us not to do that, she was cross whenever we did.
At every single core group, and the two other child protection conferences, we had to refer to him as her, as our daughter not our son, and as his deadname, not his legal name.
That is a rock solid example of Transphobia, Kiran Box is the most transphobic person i’ve ever met, she quite clearly is transphobic so decided my child was a girl and as such had to be referred exclusively by his deadname. She couldn’t cope with someone being transgender and as she is a person in a position of power, she stripped away my son’s free will and turned him into what she thought he should be.
Gabriel Lowrie and Billie Faulkner are also transphobic, they never once referred to my son by his legal name, always by his dead name and always used female pronouns, and insisted I did too when talking to them about him.
It’s why we so desperately wanted Gabriel Lowrie to address his transphobic comment on his Facebook page, which he lied about to pretend it wasn’t him who wrote the post.
They spoke to my son using his deadname as well, it was absolutely horrific for my son, nothing he said mattered, he was not allowed a say, he was just totally ignored. He hated every single social worker who attempted to talk to him with a passion.
Then there was Heidi Hibbett, the same thing, refused to use his legal name, refused to use the correct pronouns, and chastised me when I used his legal name and the correct pronouns. My children absolutely loathe Heidi Hibbett and it is actually scary that my children have the capacity to hate someone as much as they hate Heidi Hibbett.
She dehumanised them, shouted at them, made them cry repeatedly, drove one to a suicide attempt, and made another suicidal. Heidi is odd, she wouldn’t shut up about her boyfriend who is a lot younger than her, she prefaced a lot of what she said with the fact that she is a therapist, I thought she was working in a dual role at ECC, as both a therapist and social worker, turns out she shouldn’t have been saying she was a therapist, not that they did anything about it.
Heidi Hibbett emotional abused my children, a safeguarding referral was made to her employee from another profressional who was very concerned about Heidi’s behaviour towards my children. In reality that should have gone to the LADO and a safeguarding investigation should have happened. It’s ECC, so they did nothing despite the extensive abuse to my children.
When one of my children made a suicide attempt, they named Heidi Hibbett as the cause to anyone and everyone. My children had two social workers at that time, this was to actually help with their disabilities and mental health and was a year after the child protection farce, but ECC was refusing to admit that anything had gone wrong before so there was no apology and my children really struggled to trust the social workers.
As soon as my child made their suicide attempt they withdrew. They stood there and listened to my child going into detail regarding why they tried to kill themselves, it was all about Heidi Hibbett and Essex Social Care. Because Essex Children’s Social Care had refused to even investigate, the two social workers had to stand there and say nothing. They were not allowed to agree with my child that they had suffered abuse, because according to their employer, no abuse had happened because they hadn’t investigated, thus nothing proven in their eyes.
The voice of the child is meaningless and is not listened to, a child stating to social workers they tried to end their life because of abuse from a social worker and two social workers were not even allowed to say anything, thus furthering the abuse. It wasn’t their faults, instructions from on high I guess.
None of what i’ve written is “putting the child at the heart of everything we do”. It’s all protecting the local authority and it’s reputation.
My child who tried to kill lthemselves is not the one who was constantly misgendered and their deadname used.
Both were suicidal, the one who tried to kill themselves is still a risk, things are terrible at the moment for them. They had a mental health social worker for a while, she was great, but the plan was for them to get some mental health help which they had been referred for. Keep getting refusals, waiting lists too long and they need urgent help now was a reason for a recent refusal, that was for the special ADHD and Autism place, but mental health help can contact them for advice, if we could get mental health help. I could sign them up for the counselling I had, but I don’t think that would be enough, they need medicating. We cannot go private because of the cost as it would need to be a psychiatrist who could prescribe.
The other one is not in a good place, they are getting therapy, but i’m not sure if it will be long enough, they really need a psychiatrist, but again, waiting lists, and the cost of going private is way out of our budget.
This could all have been avoided if only Essex County Council had investigated my complaint, an apology at the right time would have meant everything. For Essex Children’s Social Care to have supported my child after their suicide attempt, even if it was just acknowledging what they had been through that caused them to try and kill themselves, would have made a huge difference to my child. They dropped my children like a stone because they were speaking out about what happened to them.
My children are amazing, i’m not just saying that because i’m their mum, they are truly exceptional. My trans son said through their tears after yet more emotional abuse from Heidi Hibbett including transphobia, “What if it was a child who couldn’t speak out?”. My children were being outspoken about how much they had been harmed up until the end. Essex Children’s Social Care just wouldn’t listen.
My child made a complaint which included the transphobia, it went to Jo Prosser, a team manager, Heidi’s manager. The result of that complaint is here:
I cannot do anything about how Essex Children’s Social Care treat children, I cannot do anything about their transphobia. I cannot do anything about how they refuse to investigate safeguarding referrals when two other professionals are concerned that a social worker is abusing children after two children made disclosures of abuse.
It is frustrating, we all lived it, we are all experts by experience, and Essex Children’s Social Care are failing children, I dread to think about how many trans children they have caused to try and kill themselves by their transphobia, and all of the other things my children had to endure.
Most importantly they are not child centric, they have no integrity, it’s all about reputation and ego. When things go wrong a cover up is in their best interests, not in the best interests of the children, but they come second to their reputation and ego.
I tried to get them to investigate, I tried to get them to change how they deal with children. Five different excuses as to why they couldn’t investigate, they kept on changing as I proved them false.
Essex Children’s Social Care can’t be taught, they are resistant to change, they only care about their outstanding Ofsted and their social worker of the year awards, that is literally what it all boils down to. Helping children is not their focus. They want to show off, they want their ego’s stroked, they want to waste public money on stupid awards, they don’t care if children live or die.
They are transphobic as evidenced above. Kiran Box/Kirnvir Kaur Box being the worst.
Essex Children’s Social Care refused to listen to my children’s voices, but others are listening, more will listen, and I intend to participate in things like social work week where social workers can learn from what happened to us to ensure they never act the way Essex Children’s Social Care does.
I will also contact some LGBTQ+ organisations, to raise awareness of what children who are known to social care go through, but also to ask for advice, if i’m going to be talking about our experiences, and that also covers posting about it, I too need to be educated on the best way for professionals to deal with trans children. It’s different when you are a parent as you don’t have to think, you just love your child and act accordingly. So it would be useful to be able to talk about best practice for social workers who are dealing with a trans child.
The transphobia isn’t just one or two people, it’s systemic, including members. Cllr Louise McKinlay knows about the transphobia my child suffered, it’s in her interests to cover that up. So many people at Essex County Council do. That is how you know the transphobia is systemic and ingrained as not one of the many people have ever apologised for the extensive transphobia my child suffered at their hands that was so bad it caused my child to become suicidal and they are still suffering today.
They know my children still suffer from everything that happened, they just don’t care. As a mum that is why i’m pushing so hard.
I can do what i’m doing, and what I will continue to do, because I always write the truth.
I have repeatedly called Kiran Box/Kirnvir Kaur Box evil. I have said that solely because it is the truth, she is evil. What she did just regarding her transphobia would be enough for anyone to agree that myself calling her evil is justified, and that is before even touching upon the other things she did that caused significant and long lasting harm to my children.
The proof Kiran Box/Kirnvir Kaur Box is transphobic is a matter of record, it’s in our notes that she refused to use my childs legal name in favour of using his dead name, the notes from all the conferences are littered with his dead name and female pronouns.
The same with everyone else i’ve accused of transphobia, their entries in the notes use his dead name instead of his legal name and are littered with female pronouns.
Transphobia is so entrenched in Essex Children’s Social Care that they all felt safe recording themselves being transphobic in the notes, they knew the LA would back them up if there was a complaint, which there was, from my son, which got ‘lost’, and from me, which remains uninvestigated.
This is why I can speak out about everything that happened, because it’s true and there is plenty of evidence to prove what i’m saying is true.
They literally haven’t got a leg to stand on with regards to anything i’ve published as i’ve told the truth throughout, i’m not scared of them in the slightest, they have no power over myself or my children.
They can say whatever they want about being LGBTQ+ friendly or whatever, they can put their pronouns in their signatures, LinkedIn profiles, and Twitter profiles to mask their transphobia, it doesn’t change the fact that they are transphobic to the point of not caring if it killed a child, that is easily proven