The absurdity of what i’ve just done has just hit me.
I’ve just written an email to members of an ECC committee because there is a teeny tiny chance they may be able to change ECC’s stance on not investigating when a child attempts suicide.
I told them i’d get down on my knees in front of all of them to beg them to put a policy in place, and I meant it, I would.
This is the state children’s services in Essex County Council are in when a member of the public is reduced to offering to get down on her knees in front of County Cllr’s and beg them to enact a policy that would save children’s lives.
Asking them to get the evidence and proof they need that ECC do not investigate attempted suicides from their own Monitoring Officer.
I kind of feel like i’ve entered the twilight zone.
I seriously would get down on my knees and beg, in fact I would do absolutely anything to get a policy where they investigate when a child attempts suicide enacted.
This whole situation is just bizarre, that the only person fighting to stop children attempting suicide while on a plan with children’s services in Essex is me.
I even contacted people connected with ECC which I desperately did not want to do because of my mental health and how the end result is always that my mental health is negatively affected..
The whole situation is just insane.
I seriously am prepared to get down on my knees and beg in front of all of them if they wish to arrange that.
Nothing will come of the emails, but I did my best.
I mentioned countless times last year that a child would end up dying because of the way children’s services act, and that happened. I feel a lot of guilt over not doing more.
I’m beginning to realise that his death was in no way my fault. There was nothing I could have done or said that would have changed how Essex Children’s Services act and that led to his death. I said more than enough, I raised a lot of serious issues and children’s services made up things and didn’t investigate. Even after my child attempted suicide they weren’t interested in what caused my child to attempt suicide, they just wanted to brush it all under the carpet and pretend it hadn’t happened.
Another child will die because children’s services do not care enough to learn from past mistakes.
More children will attempt suicide and children’s services will cover that up as well as they have done with my child. More children will commit suicide and children’s services won’t care about that either.
They are a political organisation and focused on getting re-elected and power and moving up the chain, the officers who are employed by them are focused on doing what impresses the members to advance their own careers and keep their jobs.
I’m trying to appeal to all of those people to do what is best for people, attempting to appeal to them as fellow humans. That isn’t possible, the members top priority is doing what is best for them politically, the officers top priority is doing what is best for them career wise. Maybe what is best for people is in their list somewhere, but it’s not at the top, and what is best for themselves is never going to be what is best for the people, even if those people are vulnerable children.
Trying to find anyone at Essex County Council, either Member’s or Officers to feel any empathy with what my children have been through is never going to work. At one time I believed it would, I feel empathy for other peoples children, it’s the human thing to do, but Essex County Council isn’t run for the people, it’s run for the Members and Officers.
I’ve already experienced that for the past 18 months, nothing will ever change, that is politics for you, the Members are happy as things stand, and the officers jobs are solely to please the officers and make them happy. The monitoring officer whose job it is to make sure that the local authority does things appropriately and fairly, is also employed to keep the members happy.
When he told me that yes, the 5 excuses that they had been using to refuse to investigate my complain were false, he would have known that the 6th was also false before he even told me. Why would there be evidence of 5 different false excuses, none of them being that my complaint was late, and then suddenly, after the first 5 excuses were found false by him, that they were now refusing because my complaint was late. It’s ridiculous to even think that Paul Turner would believe that was true. If it was true it would have been the first and only, there would be no arguing against that, there wouldn’t have been 5 different excuses over 15 months, it is bizarre and implausible he would believe that. Hence when I provided proof that wasn’t true he never replied. If he doesn’t reply he gets out of saying that the 6th excuse was false and protects the local authority.
No Members, and no officers of Essex County Council are ever going to care that my child attempted suicide, they are not going to care that they have lied repeatedly to avoid investigating it.
My first mistake was actually believing that anyone at Essex County Council would care. When the story breaks about the baby boy who died last August they will make the right noises and come out with some rubbish, but nobody will actually mean it. Nobody at Essex County Council actually cares that he died other than the impact it may have on them politically or career wise.
I can prove that with how they have acted towards my child, or more to the point a total inaction. During written communications with officers at Essex County Council I stated how important it was that things were investigated, I cited that my child was at a risk of committing suicide and that an investigation was important for my child. That covered excuses 1-5. Then child attempted suicide after i’d told the council that child was at risk. Then council still refused to investigate under excuse number 5. Then Paul Turner refused to investigate under brand new excuse 6. Why did they refuse to investigate under excuses 1-5 if excuse 6 was in play?
The humanity is missing. To the members my child is just a statistic, just a case number, not important. To the officers my child is just a statistic, just a case number, not important. Until the members and officers equate these numbers with living breathing real children, it’s pointless approaching them for anything.
I don’t regret emailing the members of the committee in the hope of finding even one person involved with ECC who actually cares about the people enough to want things to change, but as I was writing the email, as I was sending it, I already knew it will be ignored.
It has been put forward that maybe I did it in part for myself. They now know that children’s services have lied to avoid investigating a suicide attempt by a child. They have the power to do something to change that for other children and save lives. They won’t, but i’m not in a position where I can change anything, they are. I’ve told, repeatedly to Members, Officers, the Monitoring Officer, what happened and in writing so there is a papertrail.
I do actually feel lighter, like a huge responsibility has been lifted from my shoulders. I have done absolutely everything I can to attempt to safeguard children and families from what happened to us happening to others. There is nothing more I can do with regards to those with the power to change things.
It’s now not my fault when the next child commits suicide or another child dies, i’ve done all I can.
My role in attempting to safeguard vulnerable families and children in Essex is over, it’s done, absolutely finished. I never need to contact another officer or member of Essex County Council again, which is in my best interests.
I just need to finish this blog, get it publicised to get my children’s voices heard, and job done. That is going to take a while because i’m really busy at the moment and for the foreseeable future.
I don’t regret the amount of time i’ve spent begging officers and members to try and help me, i’ve told them what happened, it’s up to them to do something about it, that being the officers jobs, and the members promise to their constituents.
I cannot make them do what they are paid huge amounts of money for and what they promised constituents at election time.
Further deaths are on them, further significant trauma causing incidents for children and families are on them.
A vulnerable child attempts suicide and they do nothing, which ensures it will happen again.
Essex County Council is a political organisation. The government has just been bashed for how poorly they handled the beginning of the pandemic, which is warranted, it was absolutely terrible, they put everything else above peoples lives, that is very clear.
Essex County Council do the same, everything else is above people lives. The odd death of a child, or attempted suicide, or significant emotional harm caused by them is not that important, it’s how they spin things. In my case they have just lied repeatedly and nobody has cared enough to actually listen.
All the right people at Essex County Council now know, some know all, some only know parts.
I have no idea if the People and Families Committee will take what I said seriously, but that isn’t my problem anymore, i’ve told them, it’s up to them whether they want to act in the best interests of the children or not.
I’m also unsure exactly how a committee works, and there is no benefit to me in finding out. I did read that members of the public can ask questions during the meeting. Aside from the fact I have an appointment at the time the meeting is taking place on Thursday, I wouldn’t want to do that anyway, sitting through a meeting where I wouldn’t understand most of it would be boring, pointless, a waste of my time, and i’m not driving to Chelmsford to sit around just to ask a question.
I am content with knowing i’ve done all I could possibly do and my conscience is clear.