Essex County Council despises Unpaid Carers

Trigger warning: this post will be talking about mental health issues and thoughts of suicide. If you feel like you are not in the correct mindset to handle that, please click off this page, your mental health is worth more than reading my latest stream of consciousness.

With that out of the way i’ll do a quick recap of my situation, almost all of the traffic to my blog comes from search engines so the overwhelming majority of visitors see each blog post as a separate story. I’ve spoken in other posts about how with regards to Simon Harris and Essex is United, that for someone to view a post doesn’t mean they are interested in it. That’s how it works with Facebook but with blogs it’s a bit different, almost everyone who reads my blog are here because they searched specifically for terms that are included in my blog.

I am a single parent to 4 children. 3 of my children are autistic, 2 of those 3 also have ADHD, my 4th child has ADHD and OCD. I suffer from a physical disability myself that effects my legs. My children’s father suffers from Huntington’s Disease. I have no other family, I have nobody to help me, there is absolutely nobody. I do have friends but due to my caring role I do not have enough time to socialise and maintain friendships.

I am alone, so very alone.

We live in a 3 bedroom council house. Given their diagnosis’s, all of my children need separate rooms. Clearly that isn’t possible, so I have three of my children in the bedrooms, and myself and one of my children in the living room. I sleep on a sofa and have done for many years.

I asked for help from Essex Children’s Social Care in 2018, that ended in them accusing us of sexual abuse, brainwashing me, and even worse, severely traumatising my children, the lasting effects of which are still present today. We were under Child Protection for 9 months, it then went to child in need which lasted for about a month and then they told us to go away. In reality what happened was that as soon as they realised how wrong they had gotten things, and how much their actions had traumatised my family, they wanted to get rid of us as soon as possible.

We have never had an apology, my children no longer trust professionals.

If i’m still here next year, we will be going public with our story. I’ve got this blog already, but the plan is for a series of YouTube videos where myself, and my children, discuss what happened, along with screenshots of all the paperwork and all the help I tried to get, and that was refused. So proof will be supplied for everything we talk about.

Then on from that i’ll contact the media, local newspapers, maybe national, and i’d be more than happy to appear in any other media. If it’s available, i’ll do it. In short I will do absolutely anything and everything so our story is known by as many people as possible, especially voters in Essex.

For full disclosure, there are two reasons for this, the first is because I want to give my children a voice, the voice that Essex County Council worked so hard to suppress, the second reason is because I believe our story is so horrific that it will sway voters in Essex to not vote conservative in the May 2025 county council elections. Thus knowing i’ve done all I can do to stop this happening to another family.

The Tory members of Essex County Council are corrupt, they do not care about the people of Essex, they only care about themselves and the power they have received as a result of being elected. They are terrible people without a shred of humanity. It’s all about how they are perceived, not what they do.

About 3 years ago I attempted to get help as an unpaid carer in Essex. I wrote out a request for a carers assessment and sent it to the email address it tells you to send it to. To this day I have not received a response.

In December 2021 I made another request, heard nothing, chased it up and finally an assessment was done in about June 2022. Again, I heard nothing back, in September 2022 I chased it up and I finally got a phonecall from a social worker from Essex County Council. I met with her in about September/ October 2022.

She was completely useless, she literally knew nothing, my reasoning is as follows:

1. When I tried to tell her about our experiences with child services she told me “I will access those notes when I get back to the office. Any social worker reading this will be able to tell why that makes her useless, an adult social worker can’t access children services records. I didn’t know this, which isn’t surprising, but her not knowing this shows how useless she is. What is even worse is that I told her that our experience with children’s services were a huge problem around why my children are struggling, she told me not to tell her about it as she would look it up herself. A few months later when I asked her what she had found out she was snotty with me and told me she can’t access children’s services notes.
2. I prefer to have all contact via email or text message, for two reasons, the main reason is that nobody can then say they didn’t say something they did, and also because it leaves a paper trail so I know what i’m doing and what is going on. I asked her to text me something, she said she can’t send text messages because she can’t use a mobile phone because she has fine motor control problems. This was after writing copious notes on paper. She made this excuse again at a later date.
3. The social worker didn’t know what she was doing because she was only a student social worker when I met her that day. I didn’t find that out until months later, but it would explain why she didn’t know what she was doing. It’s illegal to pass yourself off as a social worker when you are not registered with Social Work England. While she did not directly say to me she wasn’t a registered social worker, she didn’t tell me she was a student. I only found out she was a student at that first meeting when I received a letter from her and looked her up on Social Work England.
4. She told me at the initial meeting that there was no money to help me and that I need to use my PIP money for any help. I told her that most of that goes on my Motability car, she told me that was my choice. It was clear she was not going to help me from the start.
5. I got diagnosed with cervical adenicarcinmoa in December 2022. She was meant to be coming to mine for a visit in early January 2023. The day she planned to come from ended up being the day before my Mum passed away, she phoned the day before to check it was still okay to come and i told her what was happening with my Mum and that i’d been diagnosed with cancer and would need a hysterectomy and I don’t know what i’m going to do as i’ve got nobody to look afer the kids. She offered no help at all. The Macmillan nurse told me to contact Essex Social Care with regards for needing help while recovering, I told her i’d tried that one.
6. The cancer diagnosis ended up being a very rare mistake. Sample had been misread at the lab or something like that. They said I could speak to someone who would explain it to me and they apologised profusly. I shrugged it all off, we all know someone who has been affected by cancer, some of you reading may have been diagnosed. My brain would not let me be anything other than absolutely thrilled that i’d never had cancer. Easily in the top ten phone calls i’ve ever received. I still should have had a hysterectomy because the cells they found were really bad, but I had to decline due to my caring role. I still actually need to get my medical records sorted. There is an entry on my GP notes that states I was diagnosed with Cervical Adenacarcinoma, and it’s one of the ones at the top so that all doctors are aware i’ve had cancer, even though I haven’t. I keep meaning to write to my GP surgery to get that taken off, clearly I don’t want a cancer diagnosis that wasn’t correct on my records.
7. In April or May 2023 the social worker and another social worker came round and they stayed for an hour. Can’t really remember what was said at the time, but i’ve had no contact since, no calls, no email, no letter no nothing.

I actually found out a few days ago that there was an entry in my file in August 2023, so 3 months after the home visit, that says that no further action is needed because 2 of my children are living independently. That is a complete fabrication, we are still in the same exact situation we were in when I first asked for help as a carer years ago.

I’m sharing the living room with one of my children, all 4 of my children are under my roof. I do everything for the three with autism, I have to arrange everything, they can’t even talk on the phone so I have to deal with all of that. Yet according to ECC two of them are living independently.

I was told when they made a home visit last April/May that they would be in touch, and i’ve heard nothing since.

When I attended the ECC’s self congratulatory recognising carers voices even last year, a woman who appeared to be quite high up told me she would look into the results of my carers assessment and the home visit and would contact me. That was the 25th October last year, i’ve heard nothing. She said she would do that because I was crying. The following blog post covers that event:

Cllr John Spence Ignores Unpaid Carers

All I know about what happened is that one line, that there was no further action as two of my children were living independently. I will update here if I do get anymore information, I could find out that one of my children is a Hollywood superstar, another is a billionaire with a string of companies, i’m hoping one of them is an international top hairdresser, that would be handy.

I’m in such a bad way that I didn’t even act shocked when told that, I wasn’t shocked, nothing ECC does surprises me anymore, i’m just absolutely done with everything.

I am so depressed and I can’t see any way out, this is my life and it is never going to get any better than this, i’ll never be able to meet with friends, I can’t even call friends, i’ve got no privacy, i’ve got no life. I’ll never be able to have a partner, or to work, or to do anything. Unpaid carers in Essex have less rights than prisoners. At least in prison you have a date when you will get your life back, unpaid carers don’t get that. The drudgery is relentless.

And no, talking to someone won’t help, therapy won’t help, going to a meeting with other carers or whatever else Essex County Council brag about which isn’t actually providing practical help won’t help. My depression is strictly situational and it’s not a situation i’ll ever be able to get out of.

I have all the crisis numbers, Samaritans etc, I know about calling 111 and following the instructions to get mental health help. There is no point, I know my situation is never going to improve, and there is no way I can improve it myself, I can barely care for my children at this point. Self care has gone out of the window, I go a week without bathing, I just don’t care anymore. I wake up in the morning and wish I hadn’t. That’s if I get any sleep at all. I’m sleeping on a sofa and have a physical disability which sleeping on the sofa makes worse.

I’ve stopped talking to friends, i’m never able to visit friends and I get absolutely no privacy in the house in which to make calls, so I don’t talk to anyone other than my children. I’ve now gotten to the point where I can barely get up in the morning, and when I do I just want to sit there and do nothing. I am doing the bare minimum for my children. My ex husband has Huntington’s Disease, i’m meant to be looking after him as well but I just can’t. I’ve had emails from professionals wanting me to sort things out for him and i’m just ignoring them because I just can’t do it anymore.

It’s the same with my children, I just cannot do it anymore, it’s like my brain overloaded and I just cannot function. Things just aren’t getting done, medical appointments aren’t being made. I am no longer able to advocate for my children, it’s all I can do to provide the basics.

I’m not thriving, i’m not even surviving, I feel like i’m just existing in a weird fog, I know I should be doing things, but my body and my brain just can’t function. I’m living in a fog.

I don’t want, or need sympathy. Patting me on the head and saying “poor ickle you” isn’t going to solve anything. I just have nothing left to give.

This is what happens when a local authority is only interested in self congratulating themselves and prefer to be seen as helping rather than actually helping.

Essex County Council haven’t stopped congratulating themselves on a job well done for listening to carers voices, that was evident at the recognising carers voices event last year. They absolutely screwed us over, as they usually do.

Essex County Council do employ some amazing people, truly wonderful people who are desperate to help, but can’t because ECC seems to think that someone to talk to, or a place for carers to meet other carers, is all that is needed for almost everyone.

I would like to know the address of where two of my children are living independently, just so I can drop them off there.

This is what unpaid carers in Essex are dealing with, this is the kind of absolute rubbish we have to wade through to get any help. Roadblocks are put in at every stage, with ECC thinking all we need is other carers to talk to, actually no, they know what we need, they just want to get out of providing it.

I’m defeated, i’m absolutely exhausted and i’ve got nothing left to give. Though to be honest I don’t actually care. I don’t actually care about anything, it’s really weird, we are in a terrible situation, i’ve accepted it’s not going to get any better, and that it’s going to get worse, and I don’t care, I just feel numb.

So if you live in Essex and apply to Essex County Council for a carers assessment, you get nothing, you may see a cabinet member running away from a table full of weeping and desperate carers, but you won’t get any help.

That’s it for us, for my family, we got screwed over and things will just continue to get worse and I can no longer do anything about that, or anything at all. You just reach a point where you’ve spent so long fighting and pushing, and believing things will change that you have nothing left, and all you have is knowing that your life will never change, things won’t get better, you will never have a life, it’s just this.

I couldn’t help my family now even if I wanted to, my brain and body just isn’t working.

As i’ve already said, there are some amazing employees at ECC, underpaid and overworked, but people who really care, not as a part of the job, but because they genuinely care about everyone and want to help. I feel so sad for them, having to fail people because there just isn’t the backup.

My family deserves no further action because two of my children are living independently, where that came from I do not know given all of my children are under my roof and I have to make all of their appointments, sort out everything for them, and keep them safe. I’m not doing any of that at the moment, I just can’t do it anymore. At some point you just do have to give up.

Meanwhile I see ECC wasting money everywhere, paying Simon Harris £350k for what is basically nothing. The amount of help that could have provided families in Essex with is huge, but wasted on one man.

So, i’m in a bad place, my body and mind has lost it’s ability to cope, I can no longer advocate for my children and I struggle intensely to even make a phone call. Most of the time I just feel like I wish I wasn’t here anymore, I feel helpless, desperate, and that I don’t care anymore. I’m permanently exhausted and struggle to focus, i’m burnt out.

I know i’m not the only carer feeling this way after being failed by Essex County Council, I also won’t be the last.

I am in such a bad way, I have never felt so utterly helpless and hopeless.

I couldn’t challenge them closing our case with no further action as they came round to talk to us and never heard from them again. That is also ludicrous and I guess it’s done so that people cannot do anything about it. I wouldn’t even be able to put in a complaint about it because it was more than a year since they came round.

If you are a carer in Essex you are completely on your own, ECC do not care about you, they brag about listening, but they just use that for more bragging, saying they have listened. None of it translates to actual help, so it’s all just a load of rubbish.

Cllr John Spence should feel ashamed of himself, he doesn’t though as he just doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He enjoys the power his position gives him, and enjoys being praised, but as for the actual carers and those we care for, he looks down on us and wouldn’t care if we all died.